Finding a local obstetrician that aligns with what you want for your birth can be challenging. One of my pet peeves as a doula is when I see people asking for recommendations for Obstetricians in parent groups on Facebook. This is the pattern I see:
- Someone asks in the group who is in the best local obstetrician.
- Each member of the group then takes turns talking about why their OB is the absolute best hands down, omg why would you pick anyone else because I had the best experience ever with them!
- People start to chime in about their negative experiences and some comment threads becomes provider bashing threads. Location gets thrown in there too sometimes.
The problem: MOST people have only had experience with 1-2 local obstetricians, so their knowledge and experience is limited. People also get VERY understandably attached to the person who is involved in some pretty momentous occasions in their life. If you are lucky enough to know people in the know, like labor and delivery nurses, patient care techs that circulate in labor/delivery/postpartum, respiratory techs, etc and so on, you get my drift…those are good people to ask, but they often aren’t giving the real dish because in case you didn’t know, medical professionals often like to protect their own, for very good reasons too of course. How do we do better though?? I’ve got three ideas to start…
1. Make a wishlist for your local obstetrician.
What is important to you about your care? Do you want someone who listens and helps guide you or someone that comes in with confidence and tells you exactly what you should do? Are you wanting to avoid having a cesarean or planning one right off the bat for whatever reason? Are you seeking a Vaginal Birth After Cesarean? What’s the vibe you want to get from the person in charge of your care? Or do you want to be the one in charge with their expertise & input ready when you ask? What is the experience you are seeking? Which providers are covered by your insurance?
2. Ask smart questions, like:
What is this local obstetrician’s style? Do they always have their hand on the doorknob during your very quick appointment or do you feel like they can take the time for you when needed? Do they look you in the eyes when you speak? When you have questions, can you call or get a response in a timely matter from them or their office? Do you get a list of instructions or a list of options? (Because seriously, there are almost ALWAYS options!) How do you feel after your appointments with them? Are they racist? Do they treat you like a competent adult human capable of making your own decisions for your care? Do they practice true informed consent and refusal?
3. Ask the right people!
Yes, ask your friends and family members for referrals, but definitely only if you align with their approach to birth, which means you need to do some probing first. Ask that one weird crunchy friend who likes to talk about her amazing birth all the time! Ask a local doula about their experiences with and recommendations for local obstetricians. Yes, we do those free consults all the time btw.
Bottom line, your pregnancy, birth, and postpartum is important, and more than likely you aren’t going to do this more than a few times…maybe 20, and sure, but probably not. You deserve to have a care provider that you want to talk to and feel safe to ask all the questions, even the really embarrassing ones. Fun science, if you don’t feel safe with the people on your birth team, your body will literally shut labor down chemically by shutting down the flow of oxytocin. This is a big choice, and don’t worry, you can change if you don’t like the first one too btw! If you want a doula perspective on local obstetricians that we’ve had the chance to work with, we’re here. You’ve got this! Keep Learning!
