As women, we are taught from a very young age to prioritize everyone else before ourselves, to put their needs on the list too. I keep hearing that we need to stop doing that, but I honestly find that message so disingenuous for several reasons. First, I always wonder if the things will actually get done if I don’t personally do them. Second, when they don’t get done, my mental health suffers and that’s not good for anyone. Finally, to whom am I going to outsource these things exactly? Yeah sure, I can ask for help, but most of my friends and family are overstretched as it is and I’m far too midwestern to risk burdening someone else with my problems if I can do it myself.
The real secret is that there are just seasons of life where my needs don’t fall all the way off the to-do list, but they definitely fall pretty far down it. That’s ok. Priorities shift, and knowing which balls you can drop to bounce is important and as well as which ones are seasonally dependent. This is a really philosophical way of talking about the struggle, but I also want to leave you some concrete ways to help keep your priorities straight and do a little self-care at the same time. How can you keep yourself on the list when you feel like you’re running in circles all day long.
Here are 3 simple ways that I make time for myself when I really don’t really feel like I have any time to spare:
1. Daily Meditation:
I spend 15 minutes every single day meditating, no matter if it has to happen in a parking lot while waiting for a kid at theatre rehearsal. (If you see me with my eyes closed in my parked car, leave me be please.) This is always on my list. My meditation includes a body scan, relaxation, and intention setting. It doesn’t have to be long, and it helps my brain stay more focused for my big to-do list. There are scientific reasons that meditation helps. I also really love it as a tool for birth too by the way!
2. One small daily ritual:
One of our teens is very into her nighttime skin care routine. She learned about the power of having one small daily ritual to help keep your brain on track. (She thinks she needs the fancy skin stuff on the list, but that’s not how we roll around here.) This routine reminds her brain that its time to wind down and go to bed. You can totally gamify your brain the same way that it can help little babies to know what to expect by having one small daily ritual that you practice every day. Routine helps your brain know what’s coming next. Keeping a little routine on the list can help your brain relax, yes, even just a short little ritual like your nightly skincare.
3. Portable hobbies:
The same way my mother keeps a counted cross stitch project in her purse & my aunt knits socks on the subway, I keep a knitting project with me at almost all times. Teaching myself to knit was one of the best things I ever did for my mental health…not to mention my gift list. Any opportunity I have to knit a few rows, my muscle memory takes over and I just do my thing. This is how I have churned out so many handmade baby hats from a simple pattern that now lives in my brain for my clients. Dish cloths are the other permanent pattern on the list, in case you were wondering.
The moral of the story is this: Don’t try to do it all and try to remember that all of this is a phase truly, and I don’t just mean parenting. Having simple things like meditation, portable hobbies, & daily rituals can help you feel like you’re still a little bit human, despite all the sleep deprivation and tiny humans demanding the BLUE cup not the red one! We get it. We’ve been there too. I’m still there, but the demands have changed from the right sippy cup to the right water bottle. Keeping yourself on the list can be challenging in certain phases, and finding small ways to keep your brain sane might help. There’s no one-right way to do all of this anyway!
