How are you communicating your needs in labor, delivery, & postpartum? While judging a speech meet recently, a kid handed me a piece of paper just before their speech letting me know that they have Tourette’s Syndrome so I might notice some of their ticks during their speech. I appreciated that little note so much and it immediately made me think about all the things that I wish people could communicate like that for pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. For example, I HATED being touched by strangers while pregnant but my friend adored random belly rubs so much that she thought about making a t-shirt giving people permission. I developed such bad RBF from people randomly touching me in the grocery store that friends got worried about me, which is hilarious to me now. (Maybe I still have RBF, but I just don’t have the pregnant belly to blame anymore?)
Beyond special t-shirts & tattoos on your forehead, there are other ways of communicating what you need during pregnancy, birth, & postpartum. Below are a few ideas that might be helpful.
1. Prenatal: ask for things to be put in your chart.
This is especially helpful if there are things like trauma that you don’t particularly want to talk about, but it would be really helpful for your care team to know about as they are working with you. That doesn’t mean you get to get angry with someone for asking their routine questions before they look at your chart, but it does mean you get to say things like, “there should be a note in my chart,” instead of going into detail every time.
2. Birth: communicating your preferences for labor and delivery.
Putting in writing what you’d like can help when communicating your need to anyone on your team, whether they join you at the beginning of your labor or during pushing. Yes, I’m talking about a birth plan! I honestly like to call them birth preferences, partly because plan sounds like way too much of a commitment without flexibility, but maybe that’s just me. Writing it down, reviewing it with your provider, and bringing several copies with you to your birthing site can help you communicating your wishes without having to go through the whole thing with every person you meet.
3. Postpartum: I highly suggest a communication notebook and chart for helping everyone stay on track with how things are going.
Some people use apps or a shared document with everyone. I’ve seen many clients make signs for their doors and send out texts/emails setting boundaries with family, friends, and delivery drivers. Writing down your needs, how things are going that day, and checking off chores can give you a sense of accomplishment, communicate your needs, & help you keep track of trends/remember things when you are in that newborn sleep deprived state.
Communicating takes practice. Communicating your needs when you’re in a transitional state is challenging. Practice some of these to make them easier when you’re feeling exhausted, hormonal, and moody—not to project my postpartum feelings on you btw, but the newborn time period is fairly universally these 3 things. You’ve got skills and working out these communication muscles now will help you do it even better when required.
