Small moments of compassion can make a huge difference in birth and postpartum. Let me share an example of what that can look like. When the nurse walked into the room and made eye contact with me (the doula) I was immediately impressed. She greeted my clients and me by making a connection as a human before she had to turn and start clicking the seemingly 500 boxes on the intake form. Even though my client was clearly in very active labor, she paused her clicks and turned to ask what the top 3 most important things were about their birth plan. That one question plus the eye contact she made with my clients made a huge difference in my clients’ birth just a few minutes later when that nurse was able to tell the on-call doctor to wait to clamp the cord and the surgical technician that they were planning to keep the placenta.
Compassion requires connection, and so much about our current system for birth and postpartum care keeps us from connecting as humans. Between all the required documentation for medical professionals and the fear that birthing and postpartum families have of being taken advantage of by the system, connection can often be one of the last priorities for both sides of this equation. Without connection, trust can be incredibly hard to come by, and without trust, your body honestly won’t let your hormones do what they need to for birth. Receiving compassion starts with connection.
How can you connect with the medical staff taking care of you? I have a few suggestions below.
1. Start with eye contact.
Ask them what color their eyes are if you’re struggling to get them to connect. This will almost always stop someone in their work mode and get them to look at you. Mine change color, so sometimes I’ll ask what color my eyes are today. Either way, seeing the color of someone’s eyes will help them make a connection with you. Make the question genuine, because you have to be compassionate to receive compassion, js.
2. Talk about more than just your medical history and ask about them personally.
You can keep it professional, like asking about how long they have been in this job, but make the connection about more than just you in that moment. Seeing their humanity will help them see yours. Compassion in stressful moments can be jarring to some, but my favorite way that I’ve found to connect with medical staff is to see beyond their uniform and share a moment with them too. Maybe they’re having a stressful day and will appreciate the compassion from your side of the bedside too.
3. Be vulnerable with them.
This requires some bravery on your part, but letting your staff know your fears can help them know how to better help you. Your fears may activate their compassion and even some tools that they might not have considered too. Maybe they know a trick so that you don’t have to even see the port in your arm during labor or maybe they can educate you about extra resources in the hospital for feeding your baby in the NICU. Whatever it is, making that vulnerable connection is going to help not only with their compassion for you, but also vice versa.
Compassion needs to also be a two-way street. Keep that in mind when you’re connecting with the people trying to care for you too. Understanding that not everyone will be able to connect with you also takes compassion for yourself. Keep flexing and working on those compassion muscles!
