What do I mean when I say experience matters? When I was a brand new doula my very first client got an epidural. I was 100% curious about the experience of it because this was also the very first birth I’d ever witnessed. I asked her all kinds of questions once she was comfortable and then in our postpartum encounter too. Since then I’ve seen plenty of different epidurals and asked less questions, though one a couple of years ago caught me completely by surprise because of how different it was than all of the other epidurals I had experienced with clients. Unlike other epidurals I had seen, this client had the ability to move all on her own. She lifted her legs, got up into hands and knees with minimal help, and got into all kinds of different positions that I usually only can use with clients who don’t have epidurals. Whoa, was that a game changer for my perspective!
At a later birth in a different location, I was chatting with an anesthesiologist that I know and asked him why they don’t do those here, because my experience has been that the hospital where he workds only does epidurals where the person has ZERO ability to move on their own. We call those “dead leg epidurals” amongst the doulas. His reply, “our girls don’t want that.” I of course asked him if he thought that there might be any correlation between the other hospital’s lower cesarean rate and the different type of epidural they are doing there, but he didn’t want to speculate. Later I wondered if he was referring to “our girls” as the patients or the nurses, but of course I forgot to ask him in the moment.
Experience is sometimes the best teacher, and I really think that this is one of the reasons that we as doulas get hired for 2nd births so often!
When I wear my anthropologist hat, I think about the interplay of the knowledge of how terribly flawed the American healthcare system is and our magical American exceptionalist thinking. We never think we’re going to be the one that . I’ve also had plenty of people who are the opposite and think, there is a teeny tiny possibility of “bad things” happening so they’ll clearly happen to me. Simultaneously we receive our care within a system that is constantly watching and waiting and expecting something bad to possibly happen so they have to intervene and documenting documenting without a moment to practice essential communication and care as they really want to. What that boils down to for you as birthing parents is this: your experience is very often an afterthought. If “healthy mom, healthy baby” is the goal (aka: everyone alive), then were does your experience come into that picture?
The bottom line for us as doulas is this: how will you remember this experience? This goes for birth and postpartum by the way. Will you remember feeling held, informed, and supported in every decision you make? Even when things go sideways, are you still going to feel that way? How can we help make sure that you have the best possible experience no matter what?
Our experience as doulas has shaped the resources, knowledge, & ideas that we have of course, and we openly acknowledge that. We also actively deal with the trauma that comes from our job too. I can’t always say that for the medical professionals I know, but that’s a topic for another time. As a doula, I create the time and space to be able to wrestle with what I have witnessed, and to help my clients navigate their experience with calm, dignity, and as much space as they need to have ALL the feelings in a very intimate, important, and life changing space. We know that our experience helps improve yours.
