Your center isn’t always apparent. I had an awesome repeat client years ago who during her entire pregnancy spent sooo much time preparing to have an unmedicated VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). She asked me all the questions, listened to podcasts, read books, sought out a VBAC-friendly provider, & in her mind, was READY! Her due date came and went. She got very nervous and we spent several hours talking on the phone, meeting in person, and exchanging text messages talking about options. She chose to be induced & I went into the hospital to get them settled in for the night for cervical ripening.
The next morning when I arrived, her doctor came to check in with her and see what her cervix was doing. She’d been having some contractions throughout the night & didn’t get much sleep. The doctor declared that she was 1cm dilated, & she immediately burst into tears. She knew it was going to be a long haul to get to have her vaginal birth, and so I asked if we could have a moment to talk before they made any decisions on how to proceed. MANY tears later, she confessed that her biggest worry was that her husband wouldn’t be able to be in the room when the baby was born. She had been asleep during her previous cesarean, as the epidural wasn’t working properly after many attempts, & they had both “missed” the birth. (Only 5-6% of cesarean surgeries are performed under general anesthesia.) She had found her goal. Your center might emerge in such a moment as this.
In that moment, that oh so precious private still moment, we finally got to the kernel of her fears. She asked me what how could she ensure that they would both be present for the birth no matter how it happened, and I answered truthfully. I held her husband’s hand as we anxiously waited for the operating room staff to come out and tell him that it was time for him to come inside, and their sweet second baby was born via cesarean surgery that day with both parents wide awake and crying tears of joy.
Questions to get to your center
- What feels most important to you about your birth experience?
- When you imagine your ideal birth, what emotions or moments stand out most to you?
- Have you had any past experiences—your own or others’—that are influencing your choices for this birth?
- What are your biggest hopes, and also your biggest fears, about how things might go? What is at your center?
- How do you want to feel supported—physically, emotionally, and mentally—during labor and birth?
Keep Learning & give yourself the time & space to find your center in the midst of the chaos that pregnancy, birth, and postpartum can be.
