A recent birth story I was told so perfectly illustrated the enforcement of good girl syndrome to me. The person told me that for their first birth they felt like they HAD to be induced because their doctor was worried, even though the parents weren’t worried at all. Good girls do what authority figures tell them to. So they showed up for their induction and ended up getting an early epidural due to being overwhelmed by the pain of the forced contractions and nausea. The epidural took away the pain, but not the nausea; they never moved out of the bed or even switched positions in the bed. She had asked her partner & nurse to help her move. The nurse declined to help her move and came back to check her cervix to “measure progress” every 30-60 minutes. She wanted to decline all the cervical checks, but didn’t feel like she could.
In the moment, her partner refused to help her move “because the nurse said so.” He reinforced that the nurse was in charge and that she needed to be a “good patient.” In that same position, with a very heavy epidural so she couldn’t move herself, she got to 9cms dilation and then baby started having decelerations in their heart rate. The doctor came in and said, “time to take this birth to the operating room.” (Side note: apparently in this situation, good girls don’t get informed consent either.) Their baby was born via cesarean surgery. Does any of this sound familiar?
Takeaways that I get from that story:
-Partners really need to understand WHY you need to move during labor and HOW to help you do it.
-Being a “good girl” in labor is not something you should prioritize.
-Having an epidural can be a really great reason to have a doula on your team so that they can help you keep changing positions!
-Zofran and other anti-nausea drugs can be really helpful to request during labor if that is something you are struggling with at the time.
-I’m soooo disappointed that the standards of care really weren’t being followed here for informed consent or trauma informed care!
Yes, nausea happens in labor. Sometimes it is because of the pain or even because you are laying in a certain position. Sometimes you’re just nauseous because there’s a kicking little human inside your uterus, and numbing it with an epidural doesn’t always take that away! Many times people vomit during cesarean surgery because of the medications in their system too.
You don’t have to be a good girl!
I’m honestly really happy to be able to tell you that a nurse actually saying that you cannot move is NOT something I see very often at all. The good girl training runs deep, and having a nurse, who is in a position of power over you, tell you not to move can be be really hard to overcome. Nurses can get busy. Not all nurses are able to care for patients like they want to, or have the capacity to give 110% on the day you give birth.
Instead of the good girl act, here are my suggestion: Ask for what you need. Say it louder. Demand it if you need to. The day you give birth is a BIG day in your life, so don’t just let it happen to you. Being an active part of your own care is much more important than anyone’s opinion of your behavior. Most nurses are pretty darned non-judgmental anyway btw—one of the best qualities of a great L&D nurse for sure. Keep asking questions & practicing being your own advocate.
