If you think there’s only one way, you’re probably wrong. When I was a freshman in high school, I had an algebra teacher that only explained everything one single way. I struggled in her class so much despite asking soo many questions, going to every extra session offered, and trying to work on things on my own. At the beginning of the second semester, we got a student teacher who honestly was pretty brilliant because she would explain every concept in multiple different ways. I would ask questions, and get answers that helped me actually understand in a way that my brain comprehended. I excelled that grading period and got an A+! The regular teacher took over again the next grading period, and my grade went back down to where it was before the student teacher came. The moral for me that year: some people only know one way, but that doesn’t mean it’s the right one or even the best one for everyone.
This sooo easily translates to birth and postpartum and parenthood too! Here are a few ideas that you might want to consider that are beyond the one-way rhetoric…
1. Nitrous Oxide for labor!
If you are delivering at Ascension St. Vincent, Deaconess Women’s Hospital, or Memorial Hospital in Jasper, nitrous is a great option to relieve anxiety during labor. So many people think that you either get an epidural or you go completely unmedicated, but there really are other great options, including nitrous. I find that most people follow this one way binary and think that its either epidural or nothing, and honestly *yawn*. One client describes nitrous like this, “It didn’t take the pain away, but it made it feel like it was over in the corner and I really didn’t care about it.” There are some contraindications to using nitrous in labor, so do check those to make sure it’s an option for you. These can include Crohn’s disease, pernicious anemia, & the MTHFR mutation–all of which hinder your ability to absorb vitamin B12. Honestly, if reading a list of contraindications doesn’t convince you that there is no one way to do all of this, then I’m not sure what will. Anyway, I really feel like nitrous is a massively underused tool here, partly because it isn’t entirely understood and therefore discussed as one.
2. Mixed Feeding for your baby.
Most people think that you either breastfeed or formula feed your baby, but those aren’t the only options. You don’t even have to choose one way to feed your baby, which honestly is way more common than most people realize before they have children. The choose only one way crowd are pretty loud while you’re pregnant, and then you start talking to parents who are actually trying to figure out what works for them beyond the theoretical discussions. Mixed feeding your baby can include shared human milk (See Eats on Feets or Human Milk for Human Babies groups to find some), exclusively pumped milk from you, milk directly from your body, formula, or any combination of the above. As doulas we support you to make the most informed decision about what works for you to feed your baby; we’re very pragmatic that way.
3. Co-Sleeper attachments to keep your baby near and in a safe space too.
This was what we used in our family, and it worked out perfectly for us, partly because I was incredibly anxious about co-sleeping as a new parent. I wanted to keep my baby close for nursing and sometimes to just make sure she was still breathing (seriously, we all do that), but I wasn’t comfortable with having her in our bed. Co-sleepers are not the one way that will work for everyone, but they are a nice compromise between choosing to co-sleep in your bed or putting baby in a separate room in a crib.
Take the judgement out of all of it, and figure out what works for YOU and your situation! There truly is no one right answer for any of this stuff anyway. The soapbox I always stand on is this: if someone tells you that there is one way to do any of this stuff, they are probably trying to sell you something.
