Doulas love supporting partners in birth and postpartum too. Birth is a family affair, and partners come in all shapes and sizes with all of their own ideas about birth too. I have snuck sips of water to partners who were in the birth pool at a home birth squeezing hips and listening so intently to the moans escaping the lips of their wife. I’ve caught a fainting partner who didn’t really realize the extent of his aversion to the sight of blood until that exact moment. I’ve told partners with white faces to please sit down and heard others wrangling toddlers and dogs in a different room so that we could have a more peaceful birth environment. Some partners also watch YouTube videos and play video games to disassociate from the whole experience or cover their faces while laying on the couch while continually apologizing because everything medical makes them nauseous. Birth and postpartum can be incredibly challenging for partners! As a doula, I get it. I know that part of my job is supporting partners to be able to participate however they would like to and are able to, and sometimes we don’t know how that will be until we’re in the moment. Below are some resources specifically for partners:
1. Online Classes for Supporting Partners
Online Classes can really help so that you can do them on your own time! Supporting Her is one of our favorite online course specifically tailored for supporting partners. You’ll learn not only what to say and not to say, but also specific physical comfort techniques and how to be the most helpful partner possible! We also really love our friend Adriana’s The Birth Partner’s Ultimate Labor Support Toolkit! The handouts alone are worth the cost of this toolkit!! Are you listening to the Birthful podcast too? Taking a short online course as someone hoping to be a supporting partner can help you get ready to know what to expect and to be able to anticipate your partner’s needs as they arise.
2. Community
Community is such an important thing for all parents, dad included. We really like to recommend: Life of Dad,Dope Black Dads, & the Brand New Dad Support Group too. While you’re not the only who’s growing a new tiny human in your body, finding a community of other supporting partners might help you feel a little more connected to others going through the same experience of expecting but not entirely knowing what to expect just yet. I especially like when partners have other more experienced parents to connect with to be able to have some to lean on when things get a little hairy, because they really just do sometimes when you’re in the thick of it.
3. Mental Health
Mental Health as parents with a new baby can be really challenging, but there are supporting partner specific resources available. Postpartum Support International has a dads’ only group as well as a queer & trans parents support group. The Center for Men’s Excellence has some great resources on their page regarding mental health as well. Supporting partners can struggle in postpartum for all kinds of reasons, and I love these resources for reminding people that they’re not alone.
I hope these resources find someone who needs them! As a doula, I LOVE supporting partners to participate in birth and postpartum however they are able and would prefer to. I’m a firm believer that asking for help is sometimes the strongest thing you can possibly do too, especially in a culture where presenting a strong front and extreme independence is encouraged and celebrated.
