Surrogacy is honestly one of the most magical things I have ever been able to support as a doula! The combination of service, science, & LOVE that goes into surrogacy is so incredibly unique in how things are approached. My first surrogacy client had my birth doula services written into her contract so that she would have someone there that was focused entirely on her. While I often get hired for this reason as a birth doula, supporting a surrogacy has some nuances to navigate. Learning the proper vocabulary like “intended parents” was important for me, and making sure everyone knew what to expect about who was going to be allowed in the delivery room and who stayed for how long in the hospital too. I got to learn all kinds of new hospital procedures and legal language for permissions and allowances that I didn’t ever expect. The one thing I really was surprised about was this though…
Surrogacy Birth
Surrogacy birth has more love in the room than anything I have ever experienced in my life. When parents from a different culture where paying for a surrogate is illegal come here, they have so many questions about our system, and in the end, they also needed the support of a doula for this massive milestone. I learned about navigating different contract clauses with my client and changes when things don’t go to plan even more so than a usual birth due to visas and paperwork. Surrogacy isn’t for everyone, and I know that there are many ethical questions, but I can say from my doula perspective, that the energy and love in that room was incredible and awe inspiring.
How could there not be so much love in the room when the parents have been through so much just to meet their baby? When you’ve been holding someone else’s baby in your body as it grows, how can you not be filled with overwhelming joy when you see their faces as they finally get to meet the baby that’s been nudging you from the inside? Surrogacy birth felt to me like a HUGE oxytocin explosion went off in the room.
Postpartum Considerations
Surrogacy comes with a lot of considerations that you’ll most likely talk about long before you ever get pregnant. Here are a few things that you might want to consider: Will you be allowed to hold the baby at the birth? Are you planning to pump milk for the baby? How will your physical recovery be supported? What resources are available to address any emotional challenges that you might have? What are the communication expectations between the intended parents, child, and the surrogate? These are just a few of the things you get to think about when you’re on your surrogacy journey with a family.
If you are considering surrogacy, either from the intended parent or the gestational side, adding a doula to your contract and team should be a consideration. We support ALL the parents in surrogacy relationships as doulas. We’ll walk you through preparing for birth, what to expect on the big day, and thinking about postpartum too. We give hands on support for labor and delivery as well as during the postpartum period for all the parents however they need to be supported. We know how special surrogacy can be for everyone involved. We know it can be complicated, and we know how smoothly it can go too. We’d love to talk to you about how we can help!
