In a world of constant requests for our attention, it can be hard to keep the intentionality in your focus, especially when you are in the midst of preparing to for a new baby in your life. While I love Instagram for fun, I also find myself critiquing so much stuff that I find there, partly because it really wasn’t created with intention and partly because it focuses on supposed ideals. Without getting too philosophical, what I really want to say is that as a doula, I want my clients to focus more on navigating the systems and setting up the resources they need to have a more intentional time for pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. I keep seeing people getting caught up in the supposed ideals of an unmedicated birth with a happy rainbow filled postpartum of cuddles, when that isn’t actually a realistic goal for them. Maybe I’ve just been listening to my friend Lexi’s Happy High Risk Pregnancy podcast or scoping the resources at Plus Size Pregnancy too much lately, but honestly, I want people to find their own ideal based on their actual circumstances and the choices that are actually available to them. Pre-eclampsia, Mastitis, and lots of other complications can happen along the way, but having the tools to be able to roll with what happens and make informed decisions needs to be part of your preparation!
Here are my 3 things I hope people focus on…
1. Instead of focusing on expectations, find gratitude.
Your focus on gratitude can change your experience. This is pretty life changing advice, or at least it was for me, but finding a way to be thankful for what we have is so very important. I’ll let you extrapolate that one as you would like for pregnancy, birth, and postpartum, but I promise that finding gratitude is a practice that has served me well in ALL of my moments, not just the perfect ones. I’m so thankful for what I learned in my pregnancies, not just about the experience, but also about myself, the people around me, and my babies. Cultivating gratitude can help your focus be not only on the Insta-worthy moments, but also on the ways you are changing and growing throughout all of this.
2. Cultivate a mindful presence for yourself, instead of having your focus on unrealistic ideals.
Yes, you can think about what you want, but learning more about what is possible for you personally and practicing the skill of staying present is something that I learned through my Calm Birth training. I highly recommend it. No matter what is going on around or inside you, stay present in your body and in the moment, instead of thinking 12 steps ahead. (Side note: as a doula, I’m always trying to think 12 steps ahead, but as you are giving birth, it really isn’t helpful to do.) I see this sabotage people in pregnancy, labor, and postpartum all the time. If your focus is on the what-ifs, you’re going to struggle to focus on the what-is.
3. Stay present for what is without placing a judgement for what should be.
In meditation they call this skill “noting.” You may notice a thought floating through your mind, but it’s just a cloud floating through the blue sky–not something that has to have a judgement attached to it. This may sound easy, but definitely takes some practice. Your mind is the blue sky; thoughts float in and go away, but the blue sky is always there. Sometimes I like to remind my clients to breath in the sunshine and out the clouds too: it gives you somewhere to place your focus without judgement.
Practice focusing your mind learning the information and skills that you need to make decisions when the time comes during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. By practicing your focus, you will be able to move through the experience without judgement and with the presence of mind to be more confident in your decisions.
You’ve got this! Keep learning.
