Your nurse can make a huge difference in your birth experience, and we love being on teams with great nurses. Let me illustrate with a story: When I walked in to join my clients who was being induced and had been in the hospital overnight, one of the first things I asked was who their nurse was that shift. A new nurse was on shift supporting my client, and I was immediately excited! Throughout my clients’ time in that room that nurse and I talked about laboring positions, Spinning Babies techniques, lactation training, hospital policies, and sooo much more—quietly of course, since my client was in labor. We were a GREAT TEAM, and I loved getting to meet her especially because I was the first doula she had ever worked with and she was excited to get to work TOGETHER.
A great labor and delivery nurse is worth their weight in platinum, and I will sing their praises every chance I get. There are also many differences between our jobs. Going into the hospital and expecting your nurse to be your “built in doula” is really unfair to them. Let me tell you why…
1. Doulas have to keep 1-2 people happy, nurses have to keep sooooo many people happy.
Keeping your provider, the nurse manager, the charge nurse, and many many more happy is a tough job. Doulas only have to keep you and hopefully your partner too happy! I’m frankly always impressed at how many different preferences the nurses have to remember when they say things like, “oh, Dr. so-and-so likes it when the table is this high.” Your nurse has to remember so much to keep their colleagues happy too!
2. Nurses CANNOT stay with you 100% of the time.
Nurses are team players that help their colleagues whenever they can. Yes, even at Good Samaritan Hospital in Vincennes, where the nurses spend far more time in your room than anywhere else we go for births, they still have to go help other nurses for deliveries sometimes! You might be their top priority that shift, but they also have other obligations. If you go into the hospital expecting that your nurse is going to be in the room with you 100% of the time, then you are honestly just setting yourself up for disappointment.
3. Your nurses JUST met you.
You didn’t pick them and they didn’t pick you. They haven’t spent months talking to you about your birth preferences, worries, questions, etc. They know what is in your chart and your answers to their questions. Expecting your nurse to know you as well as your doula can is not fair to them.
4. Nurses have different skills & knowledge than doulas.
Even if your awesome nurse knows everything that a doula does, they can’t always say or do all the things a doula does because of their employer. I’ve seen so many nurses bite their tongues and contort their words to try to say what they want to say and keep it within the bounds of their employer. Doulas don’t have those kinds of restrictions! That’s why doulas get to say the inside part out loud while nurses don’t.
5. Your nurse is NOT your doula!
Teamwork makes the dream work, and asking your nurse to do the jobs of two is completely unfair to them and you. We both help, but in very different ways.
What do you think of our list? Can you think of other ways that a nurse is not like a doula? Tell us! Honestly, I was thinking of all my favorite L&D nurses while writing this list–the ones that I smile big and sigh with relief when I see them walk in the room. These nurses are the bee’s knees!! Your nurse could be the best one in the whole darned world, but they are still not your doula.
